Linda:   Mr. Evil, here is a letter from Jones' attorney asking you to immediately remit a check for $1.2 million dollars payable to Mr. Jones.

Evil:   On what grounds? That is the most preposterous thing I have ever heard! Why I oughta strangle the little weasel. I can tell you right now he won't ever get another dime from my company.

Linda:   With all due respect sir, I believe he is legally entitled to it.

Evil:   O.K. Linda, I'm listening and this better be good.

Linda:   It is part of the severence package invoked by his golden parachute clause sir.

Evil:   Linda, I hate to tell you this, but there is no such clause in our corporate governances! I should know - I helped draft them.

Linda:   Well, there were some changes made in your absence sir.

Evil:   The board would never have authorized changes of this nature - I know because I hand picked almost half of them.

Linda:   Well, that is another thing I was meaning to mention to you. There has been a major reshuffling of the board.

Evil:   Reshuffling of the board??

Linda:   Yes, three of your people were replaced.

Evil:   How could they have been? An action like that would have required stock holder approval. There is absolutely no way that Jones could have exercised that kind of influence over a majority of the stockholders in my absence. How could any of them in their right mind have demonstrated any confidence at all in a low-life lame duck like Jones?

Linda:   Well, sir Mr. Jones implemented a new ESOP.

Evil:   ESOP? What's that?

Linda:   An Employee Stock Ownership Program. The Union voted to take a very large portion of their 401K assets and purchase company stock.

Evil:   Why would they do that? They don't know anything about the stock market!

Linda:   Jones persuaded them to do it. He said that because of the bad press we received the stock was trading at a three year low and at just slightly more than the company's book asset value.

Evil:   How do you know all of this?

Linda:   I am part of the ESOP sir.

Evil:   You??   What do you know about stock investments?!

Linda:   Actually quite a bit now -- thanks to the town hall meetings held by Mr. Jones.

Evil:   I suppose the next thing you'll tell me is that your stock has doubled in value.

Linda:   Actually sir, it has quadrupled in value.

Evil:   This is insane! So you're telling me that the employees now hold a stock interest in this company?

Linda:   A very large and influential interest sir.

Evil:   Outrageous!   No one controls this company but me.

Linda:   Yes, well, as I was saying· the stockholding employees voted to replace three of your board members.

Evil:   Who did they replace them with?

Linda:   Well, there is Harry Smith·

Evil:   Harry Smith??!   That man is a janitor who has never done an honest days work in his life! He is illiterate for crying out loud!

Linda:   Well, he now represents the Union as a member of the Board of Directors sir.

Evil:   O.K., Let me see if I have this right. Jones bumbles his way into an interim leadership position, orchestrates a massive employee stock purchase program, ousts three of my favorite board members, replaces them with his illiterate goons, and has them approve an ammendment to the corporate bylaws giving him a generous severance package in the event of a sudden dismissal?   Did I miss anything?

Linda:   Only that your country club membership was transferred into the name of Mr. Jones last week.

Evil:   What??   I was on the waiting list for over 15 years to get that membership!

Evil:   Sigh -- I can see that this is going to be a long year.   This used to be such a nice place to work.