Following an extended trip to the Carribean.

Letter to Harvard Law School Admissions:

To Whom It May Concern:

Please find attached the completed application for admission to the Harvard Law School. I have always been interested in pursuing a career in Law and have recently come to a point in my life where this now seems possible.

While I realize that my grades and scores are "borderline" for admission to a world-class organization such as Harvard, I believe that you will find my background and experience compelling in other respects.

For instance, I would draw your attention to my term as President of Acme Enterprises - one of the leading manufacturers of widgets in the country. During my tenure as President I successfully implemented an Employee Stock Ownership program and grew the stock price four-fold. I believe that these results speak for themselves.

I anxiously await your favorable reply as I am eager to begin my preparations as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Wilbur H. Jones II

Harvard Law School Response:

Dear Mr. Jones:

We have reviewed your application for admission to the Harvard Law School and found it lacking in every respect. It is obvious that you did not undergo our on-line self-assessment. Had you done so it would have saved us all some time. We can only assume that you do not possess the rudimentary technology skills necessary to complete our on-line application.

Your LSAT score would be considered laughable marginal even for a University with a liberal admission standard. And while your GPA of 2.7 may be acceptable for the Community Colleges that you have frequented, it does not comply with our minimum standard for academic performance.

In short, we find absolutely nothing in your application that would recommend you as a candidate for this program. To the contrary; to admit an individual with your background and aptitude would be a grave dereliction of duty on the part of this admissions committee.

Regrettably, we must reject your application for admission to the Harvard Law School. Please do not contact us again - ever. You may consider this our final communication.

Warmest Regards,

Harvard Law School Admissions

P.S.   As to your purported experience as CEO of Acme Enterprises, we have conducted a preliminary background investigation and concluded that this claim is blatantly false. The tax returns you filed for the period in question show an annual salary that is more in line with a minimum wage earning sanitation engineer - a discrepancy which a lesser institution would undoubtedly not have caught. Might we remind you that falsifying admissions information is a very serious offense and one that is punishable by expulsion. Naturally, that is not a problem you will ever encounter as we can assure you that you will never gain entry to this venerable institution.