Subsequent to a rejection letter from Harvard Law School ...

Letter to Mt. Rushmore Academy:

To Whom It May Concern:

I am responding to your advertisement in Success Opportunities Magazine. The ad indicated that you have a high quality Law Degree that can be purchased earned at home. I like the idea of not having to fight traffic to get to-and-from school each day. It also appears that I can complete the program in a matter of weeks - perhaps even days - instead of the usual three years that is required through traditional learning channels.

This sounds like a remarkable opportunity. I did not see an application form, but I have enclosed my check for $1,200.   This seems to be a true bargain. I have noticed that the tuition rate at most of the Ivy League schools is many times this amount. I guess the cost of living must be a lot cheaper in South Dakota to allow for such a favorable rate.

As a side note, we are planning a family vacation to Mt. Rushmore this coming year. It would be nice if I could stop in and receive a tour of the "campus" when I am in town. Also, do you have a list of current or former students that I could call and talk to about your program?   I would like to gain some insights into their experience at Mt. Rushmore Academy.

I look forward to hearing from you in due course.

Sincerely,

Wilbur H. Jones II

Mt. Rushmore Academy Reply:

Dear Mr. Jones:

Thank you for your order.

As you may know, we are a full service diploma mill academy of higher education with a nationally recognized name. You will shortly receive a beautiful 8 ½" x 11" certificate suitable for framing.   Each certificate is individually signed and bears the name of this institution emblazoned in gold foil over a striking maroon background. The effect is truly remarkable - particularly when the certificate is professionally framed. Framing services are also available upon request (for an extra fee, of course).

It is against our policy and better judgement to provide references. Suffice it to say that we have many graduates who are actively seeking employment in meaningful career fields.

Of course you will still be required to pass the State Bar Exam - as if!   To facilitate this process, there are a number of very good study guides available. Unfortunately, none of these comes with the certificate. However, for an extra fee we can refer you to a company that produces these guides.

Also, if your professional ambitions should change in the future we hope you will keep us in mind. We have a wide variety of Diplomas and Certificates certain to meet your needs. One of our top sellers is the Certified Cardio-thoracic Surgeon diploma. This diploma is slightly more expensive but it is extremely impressive and comes with a high grade burnished mahogany frame with our patented glare-resistant and shatterproof Plexiglas cover.

Of course your satisfaction is our top priority and we guarantee that you will get exactly what you pay for.

Good Luck!   You'll need it.

Mt. Rushmore Academy

P.S.  You asked about the possibility of a "campus" tour.   Regret to inform that although our institution carries the legendary Mt. Rushmore name, you will actually find us in the following location:

Mt. Rushmore Academy: Diploma Fulfillment Center
P.O. Box 1569934
Wilmington, Delaware 00999

Feel free to come by any time you are in the area - and ask for Bob.