Creating Self Esteem Through the Law of Attraction

If you’ve ever felt low or down on yourself (and who hasn’t), you may not think it’s very easy to simply change your belief system to thinking and believing “I’m a worthwhile and lovable person.” That’s what self esteem is, it’s about how I feel about me; it’s my belief in my own value. Thinking about self esteem in the context of the Law of Attraction may help that shift to seem easier.

I have spent many years in the vicious cycle of thinking poorly of myself (to remain polite here) and then creating more negativity because it’s what I’m focused on. The big question, then, is “how do I break the cycle?” It was a pretty big pit that I had dug for myself and the prospect of getting out felt quite hopeless and overwhelming.

Learning about the Law of Attraction is what made the difference in my life and how I experience it. The most straight forward definition of the Law of Attraction that I have come across is by the author, Michael Losier:

I attract to my life whatever I give my energy, focus and attention to, whether wanted or unwanted.

The Law of Attraction is far more to me than “positive thinking”, which is what I hear some people reduce it to. It’s trickier than that… I actually have to believe my positive thoughts and be in the good energy of those thoughts to manifest positive results.

Building My Case

I haven’t often expected kindness out there in the world. The truth is, I have very often been unkind myself because of my low self-esteem. The way I feel about you and treat you is simply a reflection of how I feel about me. It was a huge “light bulb moment” for me when I first discovered that. When I treat someone badly it is only for one reason… I feel badly about myself. Most often it is me who I treat most poorly. When I am truly kind (not just acting kind) it is because I feel valuable enough to offer it; when I’m kind to me I have kindness to give others.

When someone else treats me poorly, even though I know in my head that it’s about their self worth, I can use it to further build evidence that I am not valuable. I might erroneously decide that “their stuff” is about me and internally take that negativity on.

Like most people, I learned to think like this before I had language for it, as a very small child. I figured out there was a correlation between my behaviour and other people’s reactions to me. If I spilled milk and got yelled at, it makes sense that my conclusion at the time was that I was “bad” or, at the very least, at some sort of “fault”. I made up in my mind that how others reacted to me was about what I did and, even further, it was about me at my core.

The truth at the time was that I was a small child learning about my environment and about motor skills. I was learning and discovering my world as perfectly as any child does. In fact, that was my job as a young child: to be an impressionable sponge and learn to make connections.

What was actually out of place was being yelled at due to an adult’s impatience, which is really about them. I would guess I must have felt confused at the time, and like any child might do, I made it about me.

It was about me because at that stage of development, everything IS about me. We are just learning how to interact and know about “others”. I came into this world as we all did, with an open and trusting spirit. As a sponge, I absorbed every message that I was given. Many of those messages were not so blatant, but subtle and tough to even identify.

Developmental psychology explains that most of what I know about the world was cemented in me before I was about 8 years old. How I feel about me, relationships, money, trust, communication, adults, sharing… all of it was unconsciously operating in me by that very young age. I took cues by watching my parents, other adults, other kids, TV, anywhere that there was messaging about how the world worked.

I accepted what I heard and saw as the “truth” about how human beings worked. Each of us learn very different messages in these years and each of us has our own version of the “truth” that is unique to us. I have been proving to myself that I’ve been right about my “truth” for years. The evidence that I’ve been expecting to find is what I have been open to finding and, therefore, exactly what I find. In my case, I continued to find evidence that I was not a worthy person. There seemed to be no shortage of that evidence either.

“Start the Car!”

Imagine that moment when you get an unexpected surprise or gift as simple as a compliment. What do you do with it in your heart and in your mind? It is an opportunity to stare boldly into the belief I have about my value and receive what I am actually worthy of. To have a solid sense of self worth is to say “thank you”. How many of us really allow that to happen, to really be open to feeling acknowledged for who I am? Let’s face it, it’s a process.

First I go into shock and disbelief, like the woman in the Ikea commercial who looks at her receipt and can’t believe the amazing bargain she’s getting. She figures it must be a mistake and that she had better get out of there before they discover their error. Running out of the store like a panicked fugitive attempting to stay calm, she yells to her awaiting accomplice (I’m guessing her husband) “start the car!” She doesn’t actually believe it’s real; she thinks she’s cheating some system to get a good deal.

It is with this same sense of disbelief that I have often walked through the world. I haven’t always expected to be treated kindly and when I am, it can be difficult to believe, acknowledge or accept, let alone allow it to be about what I deserve in the world. Sometimes I think that I’ve somehow fooled the system, as in the Ikea commercial, and I really don’t allow myself to receive any acknowledgement that is positive because I have not bought in to the idea that I truly have value. I deflect recognition and compliments rather than allow them to validate what is really true about me (and all of us); that I have tremendous value.

Changing My Mind

It’s not anyone’s “fault” that I have poor self esteem. Even if I can see where my messaging came from, it is ultimately me who bought in to the notion that I was not valuable or lovable somehow. This isn’t about parents being “bad” or “wrong” and it is also not about me being “bad” or “wrong” either. I can say “yea, wow, I bought in to that” simply for what it was… a story about me that was made up.

Whether it was made up in my head or whether someone else gave me the idea that I was not worthy, it is still simply a story, a belief, an idea or an opinion. In recognizing that, I have an opportunity to choose to tell myself a different story and actually start thinking something else. My “truth” today that I have tremendous value is simply that… a story. But, this story serves me and those around me better. It’s a story I’d rather believe.

It’s easy to rewrite the story, right? Well, that depends on how much you are really holding on to your old story. I wanted to believe something else but I was not willing to change my mind that easily. I had invested a lot of time and energy into proving myself right about how lousy a human being I was. I even built support systems around it. What would happen if I started to believe that I was ok or even great?

Besides, I also had the belief that self confidence was the same as arrogance, and I didn’t want to be that. I gave that energy and, low and behold, I was arrogant for a long time. Arrogance was insecurity pretending to be secure. My false image is what perpetuated my low self esteem.

Clearly, there were prices that I was paying (big time) for being right about being worthless. What I started to think about though was what I had invested in it. What was I getting out of holding on to this belief which wasn’t serving me? Well, it was easier than changing, for one. I got attention (even if it was negative). I didn’t have to accomplish much because I didn’t expect it of myself. I could go on and on.

The secret that I’ve discovered for myself is… there’s actually nothing easier than feeling good. Even if it sounds scary or hard, once I decided to allow myself a different opinion, life felt much, much easier… because it is. Feeling lousy is energy draining and all consuming, isn’t it?

Feeling Better is the Key to Feeling Great

If what I focus on grows, then I want to focus on feeling better than how I feel now. You may have built a lifetime of evidence to prove to yourself that you don’t have value. It may take some time (or not, you get to pick) but you can find all the evidence you need to prove yourself right about being an amazing, wonderful, valuable and lovable human being too.

Take a moment to think about how it might feel to like yourself. Find a time when you did something you were proud of or felt good about and think about how you felt about you in that moment. Find small ways to feel good about you. Acknowledge yourself for all that you have done. Most of us really minimize or downplay all it has taken to get to where we are in life.

Write yourself a letter documenting the evidence that you are fabulous, even if you don’t fully buy in yet. Start catching yourself in the act of being an amazing friend, a loving parent, offering a kindness to a stranger. When I am treating people well, it’s because I feel ok about me in those times. Start noticing that there is lots of evidence to prove your own value and worth.

The better you feel, the more you notice your “good energy,” the more of that you will attract. When I expect people to be kind, they usually are because I am putting that energy out there. Practice letting it all in, believing in your goodness. Say “thank you” when someone recognizes you. It is, indeed, good to feel good.

It’s All a Story

Earlier I was talking about a story that I bought into as a child that I told myself for many years. While it was my “truth” for many years that I wasn’t lovable, my “truth” has most definitely changed. I decided that the story was inaccurate and based on false evidence. That’s right, I just decided.

It is because I learned that I can change my mind, my perceptions, my thinking (or create a new story) that I could change my reality. That is really what the Law of Attraction is: creating my reality. The Law of Attraction is always in effect. What I give energy to, I get more of, whether it’s what I want or not and whether I know it or not. Since this is so, I am now choosing to use it with some consciousness toward creating the results I really want.

Feeling bad just feels bad. Living in that place, I just felt doomed and, frankly, suicidal at times. It was a place where I was in full throttle victim thinking. To use the Law of Attraction in a conscious way toward creating a fabulous self esteem not only feels better, I can now see that I am in charge of my own life. The more empowered I feel, the more confidence I gain, the more positive people and events I attract to me and the better I feel! It’s one great big cycle.

What energy do you want to give out there today? Will it take you in the direction of where you want to be? If it feels like work, it’s not the energy to look for. Feeling good is easy and it will attract more goodness to you. We get to choose the stories we believe, what story would you rather tell yourself today?

Sandy Slovack, MA, is a Registered Clinical Counsellor, Life Coach, workshop facilitator and an inspirational speaker who lives in Courtenay, BC.

Sandy will help you move forward in creating the results that you want in your life. She will show you how to get crystal clear about your vision of success and start creating amazing results today!

To contact Sandy for a free consultation email: Sandy@HoldTheVision.com

Other related Articles from : Attraction